


Because we are Forever

by Lady_hakunamatata



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, POV Ronan, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, pynch - Freeform, there are sexytimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7239367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_hakunamatata/pseuds/Lady_hakunamatata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Ronan try to sort out their present, in order to work out their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because we are Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at titles, I'm so sorry.

Ronan stirred in his sleep. He felt the change in the room; he likes to think of it as a sixth sense, a sort of instinct that links his energy to Adam’s and allows him to feel these sort of things. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, and there he was, Adam himself, leaning over the couch where his boyfriend fell asleep, smiling down at Ronan: Ronan who tries his absolute best notto let his embarrassment show when he realized he fell asleep with Adam’s shirt (which was Adam’s favorite) to his chest.  
  
“Hey, darlin’,” Adam put a hand to Ronan’s cheek. Ronan leans into the touch and kisses Adam’s hand.  
Even though he’d seen Adam earlier, before he’d offer to take Opal with Matthew, instead of Ronan having to do it, it didn’t mean Ronan could tolerate separation; they hardly had much time alone. Ronan is still confused about how you could be alone with someone, but with Adam it feels like they’re one functioning unit, so alone is okay, he supposed.

“Hey,” Ronan could still hear the sleepiness in his voice. He sat up and tried to wipe his face, in case he was drooling in his sleep. “I was cleaning up the mess here and I must have-“  
  
His imminent excuses got cut off by Adam pulling him up and shutting him with a kiss. His fist still tight around the shirt, Ronan automatically throws his arms around Adam. The slight height different to Ronan’s advantage made this kind of kisses Ronan’s favorite. He likes to rest his arms on Adam’s shoulders, as if Adam was an essential element in order for Ronan to keep his balance, to stand firmly on his feet (which, he considers sometimes, is kind of precisely what Adam means to him).  
Adam’s mouth tasted exactly the way Ronan remembered it; the strong tang of caffeine, from all the coffee that Adam started to drink to keep him going during his hard days at college, mixed with the trace of those mint sweets he discovered at the drugstore near his dorm that he seemed to have become addicted to. Still, there was something different about him, something Ronan couldn’t quite put his finger on.  
When they pulled apart, Ronan found Adam still staring back at him; he’s not saying anything, and he doesn’t look like he’s holding anything back, he’s just fixing his eyes on Ronan as if he was committing his face to memory.  
“Fuck, Parrish,” Ronan says, and it sounds like a deep sigh.  
Adam smiles, “we’ll get to that,” and it’s a smile that looks foreign to Ronan; it’s a teasing smile, a smile that tells Ronan that he definitely wasn’t the only one that had spent a considerable amount of time looking forward to this reunion, that he wasn’t the only one thinking about all that they’d do when they reunited, thinking about what they wanted to do with and to each other, when the time came.  
  
Ronan tried to keep his thoughts (and his emotions) in check, going for a drastic change of subject so it would turn out an effective tactic. He asked what he’d been wondering for hours, but hadn’t voiced before in fear of starting off with the wrong foot. But, even if he didn’t particularly _want_ to, he _needed_ to know.  
“How long are you staying?”  
Adam’s face seems to fall a bit, and although he was smiling, Ronan notices it’s not one of those smiles Adam saves only for these kind of private moments with Ronan, the kind of smile that makes him weak in his knees. “A week,” he said finally, and his shoulders fall.  
Rona tries for a smile of his own. “Well, I’ll help you unload the car.”

  
Ronan turns around, and his face falls. He tries to hide his frown from Adam; his whole face must be ignited with disappointment, as if highlighted by a neon sign. Adam doesn’t need that.  
Still, when Adam calls his name, a hand on Ronan’s shoulder, he stops in his tracks. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath or two, and turns back towards Adam. He looks miserable, and it breaks Ronan’s heart. He wants to kick himself in the face for being so selfish, for not taking one second to think that the situation must be as hard for Adam, too.  
“You probably won’t like this,” Adam says after taking a deep breath himself, and Ronan is bracing himself to hear the worst possible news Adam could tell him, “but I figured I’d get it out of the way as soon as I can: do you think you could drive me back, when the break is over?”  
Ronan frowns openly now. He definitely wasn’t expecting this. He is thoroughly confused.  
“What?”  
“My friends are throwing a party for the last weekend of break,” Adam says, cautiously. “I know it may sound stupid or whatever, but they insisted that I, and I am quoting my roommate here, ‘must’ take you, ‘or else’, I think. I’d be taking a bus back home next time,” he finished.  
“Did they actually say that?” Ronan understood less and less with every passing second. “They said ‘Parrish, you absolutely must bring your boyfriend to the party’, like it was nothing…”  
“Well, no,” Adam laughed, and it struck Ronan as out of place as it would have been to have an electric machine on the Barns. “For starters, they call me ‘Adam’, not ‘Parrish’. And, I believe, they actually called you ‘Ronan’ that time.”

  
‘That time’? Was it a regular thing for Adam’s friends to _call_ Ronan something? Ronan didn’t dare ask. He also wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Adam discussing Ronan so openly with strangers. Of course, he didn’t say any of that.

  
Adam went on trying to convince Ronan to go with him. He sounded so enthusiastic, and so outright _happy_ that Ronan was having trouble saying no again and again. His resolution was starting to falter, he found himself thinking that maybe it wasn’t the worst idea ever, wondering what could actually go so wrong, and he couldn’t refuse Adam. To be honest, Ronan should have seen this coming: knowing himself, he should have known he would never refuse Adam _anything_ he asked for (and Adam wasn’t one to ask for much in the first place).  
Finally, Adam made a pause to look at Ronan’s face, and Ronan found his cue.  
“Are you sure about this, babe?”

  
Adam’s smile was bright and open now, exactly the Adam smile that Ronan knew and loved. Ronan knew Adam wanted him there, he possibly wanted to find a way to reconcile the fragments of his life and try to shape them into a whole.  
“My friends are really looking forward to meeting you,” he said, and it didn’t matter that it wasn’t what Ronan had asked.  
“So-“  
“It’d mean a lot to me if you agreed to go. Besides,” Adam continued, “I’d love to show off my amazing, gorgeous boyfriend in front of everyone.”

  
Ronan snorted. It was too much; Adam could sweet-talk him into anything.  
 He couldn’t help the pang of fear he felt at noticing how much Adam had changed. On one hand, he was happy for Adam; he was finally seeing his efforts pay off, and he was content and independent, without the need to work himself to death. He was thriving, and he was somehow also still managing to spend time with his family (namely, Ronan and Opal and Chainsaw). On the other hand, there were times, times like the present, when Ronan had trouble finding the Adam he knew, or at least the side of Adam that Ronan used to know, and it troubled him. Still, he decided to not bring this up; he could at least admit that those fears came from him being paranoid and, in his own twisted way, overprotective of Adam. Ronan knew that he needed to learn that Adam didn’t need his protection; he needed his love and his support.

  
“What? You don’t think I’m capable of noticing how hot and amazing you are? I’m half deaf, not blind, or stupid.” Adam feigned offence. Looking at Ronan more carefully, he stopped his gaze at Ronan’s chest, where his arms were crossed. “Is that my shirt?”  
Ronan had forgotten he’d fallen asleep with Adam’s shirt in his hand. He was too embarrassed to admit this, even to Adam, but every night that he and Adam spent apart, Ronan would wear one of Adam’s shirts to sleep. They smelled like Adam, and in a way they made missing him somewhat bearable.

  
Ronan silently reached out to hand Adam the shirt. Adam stepped closer, and instead of taking the shirt, he wrapped his arms around Ronan and buried his face in Ronan’s neck. Adam kissed Ronan’s neck so sweetly, Ronan’s legs almost failed him. Adam kissed Ronan’s neck again, went up slowly, to his jaw, and finally, he found his way to Ronan’s mouth.  
Adam kissed Ronan like they had all the time in the world, and at the same time, it was as intense as if this was the last chance he had to make it right, like this was the last kiss Adam was ever going to be allowed to give. Ronan had trouble figuring out all the emotions Adam tried to convey in that kiss; all he knew was that he didn’t want it to end: Ronan understood how much they both needed that kiss.  
“You know,” Adam smirked and murmured into Ronan’s ear, “You look so cute when you’re asleep.”  


“Shut the fuck up, Parrish.” Ronan punched Adam’s arm softly. Adam looked back at him innocently, raising an eyebrow. Ronan sighed loudly and slammed his shoulder against Adam’s middle. Adam barely had time to gasp before Ronan lifted him and carried him upstairs, to the bedroom.  
  
Some time later, they were in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, both still groggily smiling as the aftermath of making their reunion, albeit short, official. Adam was curled against Ronan, his head over Ronan’s chest, and Ronan silently prayed for him to stay awake, for now. He wasn’t ready to let even a moment pass, not if it meant they were any closer to Adam’s inevitable departure. Ronan closed his eyes, forcing those thoughts to go away.

  
“Ronan?” Adam’s voice was soft, almost as if he thought Ronan had fallen asleep and was afraid to wake him. Ronan opened his eyes to meet Adam’s, his chin still resting on Ronan’s chest. There was something troubling those eyes Ronan loved so much; Ronan wished he could just kiss those worries away.

  
“I know this sucks,” Adam said the words slowly, obviously giving each word great thought. “I can’t promise you we’ll get used to this, or that it will suck less in the future. I miss you.” He paused, but Ronan couldn’t bring himself to break the silence. “I miss you so much, every day. It’s hell having to leave you, and it doesn’t get easier when I see how you look when I do.”  
  
Ronan wanted to scream into the pillow. This conversation wasn’t real; this was not going to happen. He knew how it must be killing Adam to be saying all of this, and it made Ronan want to avoid the conversation at all costs. But bottling it all up wasn’t working, it never had, and sweeping the elephant under the rug only left them in a room with a huge elephant-shaped bulk.

  
“I know I can’t ask you to move in with me,” Adam continued, “I understand that. I told you once I’d come to you because I won’t ask you to follow me.”  
The next pause seemed eternal.  
“All I can ask you is for you to be patient.” Adam looked into Ronan’s eyes, briefly. He seemed to have found him not too terrified, which was an accomplishment, because Ronan could swear he could feel his heart stopping. “To trust me. To trust that I will come back to you- and to trust that I can handle whatever it is you’re feeling, if you’re willing to talk to me about it.”  
“Jesus, Parrish!” Ronan let out a breath he seemed to have been holding in for decades. He’d been wrong. He couldn’t do this. This was a doomed conversation from the start; it was doomed even before it started. “Your timing is shit. You really thought it was a good idea to bring this up, just minutes after the first time we’ve had sex in three months? Three fucking months, Parrish! And you turn the moment into _this_. Wow.  I just wanted to enjoy this one moment without having to be bombarded with this shit.”

  
“I’m sorry,” Adam sounded mortified, and Ronan wanted to die. This conversation was starting to feel like they were both inside an elevator whose wires had been cut. “I’m really sorry, Ronan. I just- I just knew that if I tried talking about this any other time, you’d find a way to avoid it. We really need to talk about this, though.”  
“No, we don’t.” Ronan knew that, if Adam wasn’t still resting on his chest, he’d have crossed his arms, like a petty little child. “Things are how they are: you go to college, I stay here, and you come back whenever you can. You graduate Summa cum laude, with like forty-five job offers or some shit, you come back to me forever. That’s it.”

  
Ronan was aware that he was being impossible, but it really was the best way around it: what good could it be for Adam to have to hear how hard it was for Ronan without him, how much he hated Adam leaving, and how he couldn’t help but miss him? It wasn’t fair for Adam. Ronan could handle it that way. It wasn’t perfect, but they’d made it work one year, why couldn’t they do it for a couple more? No, what Adam was proposing was ridiculous.  
“You make it sound so easy,” Adam sighed, “but we both know it’s anything but. And what about the process? Do you think you’d still be so sure next time we have to be apart?”  
“What do you mean?” Ronan could hear his voice shaking, cracking his tough demeanor. He didn’t care. “Do you think I would want us to break up over this?”

  
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Adam’s tone was calmer now, “but if it comes to the point where that’s the only possible outcome you-“  
“Shut the fuck up, Parrish.”Ronan’s fury slipped through his tone. This was the farthest from what he’d imagined the reunion would be like. He cupped Adam’s face with one hand, well aware that his nerves made his grip tighter than he’d have preferred, but Adam didn’t flinch. “I would never break up with you. Not over this. Not over anything.”  
Adam looked down. “I know.”  
“Good. Then this conversation is really over.”  
“Ronan-“  
Adam gasped when Ronan turned them over so that he had Adam pinned down against the bed, arms over his head, where Ronan fixed them by gripping the wrists.  
“Shut up.” He kissed Adam fiercely, thoroughly shutting him up. It had been only hours since Adam had returned home, and they had only a short week together before having to part again. A week that, Ronan decided then, would have to be put into good use to make up for the disastrous minutes they wasted with that dreadful conversation.  
  
The second time they made love, Ronan would consider very firmly on his top five of favorite moments in his life, along with all the memorable moments he knew he’d hold close to his heart forever. Ronan wasn’t one to put sex into his list of priorities, either in a relationship, or his life; still, sharing the experience with Adam, he pondered, changed his whole perspective on the matter, and gave it another spectrum of consideration. Being intimate with Adam like that, not only because of what Adam meant to him, but also because of what he knew about the way Adam viewed any kind of physical contact, gave them a completely different level of closeness, one based strongly on the trust that had been built between them as consequence of their history. That level of closeness, to Ronan, meant more of a privilege than anything else in his life. Every moment was precious and priceless, and there wouldn’t be a thing in the world he’d trade it for.

 The openness of Adam’s gaze meeting Ronan’s while their hands explored, _claimed,_ each other’s bodies, as if each time they could discover new, untouched territory; the gentle shiver with which every touch of lips on skin was met, that managed to relive the excitement of the first time they kissed; Adam’s body following his heart’s example, welcoming Ronan as if he was meant to be there, as an extension of Adam himself, unclear where Adam ended and Ronan started…  
  
Ronan was startled by a moan from Adam, a few volumes louder than the tiny noises he’d been making until then;  Adam’s body relaxing under his, head falling back on the pillow as a long sigh escaped his lips. Turning his head down slightly, not without reluctance, since he didn’t want to miss a second of the expression on Adam’s face, Ronan noticed Adam hadn’t been able to last too long, the white drops all over his stomach an irrefutable proof that maybe there were certain things Adam Parrish couldn’t really keep under his control, after all.  
  
Holding himself in place with one arm, Ronan touched Adam’s face, pulling away a few strands of hair that were pasted against his forehead by sweat. Adam smiled up at him, half-lidded and slightly flushed, and it was all it took for Ronan to completely lose it. He groaned through his release, arms still cradling Adam’s head, Adam’s eyes fix on his face, and when he slid out, he dropped next to his boyfriend, contentedly.  
  
 Trying to get his breathing back to normal, Ronan sought Adam’s hand, needing even the smallest point of contact, and they stayed like that, hands clasped and in silence, for a while. Ronan closed his eyes and listened to their breathing fall in sync, Adam’s fingers squeezing his at small intervals, as if to let him know he was still awake.  
  
After a few minutes, Ronan pulled himself up and turned to his side to look at Adam. He couldn’t resist the urge to rest his hand against Adam’s chest, his fingers tingling with an odd happiness when Adam placed his own hand above.  
  
“Talk to me about your friends,” he murmured, nearly failing to suppress a laugh at the bewilderment in Adam’s eyes. Ronan wanted nothing more than to make Adam happy, in every little way that was possible for him. He wanted to keep Adam wrapped in their private world for as long as he could, surrounded by the strongest veil of happiness and safety his love could provide.  
The very might of his feelings, which had once been a source of conflict within himself, had become one of Ronan’s strength; Adam was fire, and Ronan was a phoenix rising from the ashes of a darkness left behind by the union of their forces.  
  
They brought out each other’s strongest traits, always better together. Even their opposite sides combined beautifully in a way that just made them make perfect sense. Ronan grew more and more certain every moment they spent together, that this was one of the only things he was never to question; for that reason, he took it upon himself to adjust to Adam’s direction, like a kite obeying the ways of the wind. He wasn’t afraid of getting lost in it; he trusted Adam to know when and how to bring him back to himself. That’s why he tried to do this one thing right, no matter how hard it was for him.  
  
Adam was dubious, but Ronan convinced him with encouraging words that, he suspected, were for Adam as well as himself. Ronan made himself willing to hear what Adam needed to share with him, he wanted Adam to know that Ronan accepted Adam’s every aspect, every fragment of his life, because it was the only logical way to go, since Ronan himself was part of that world.  
  
Adam spoke fondly of the friends he’d made in his first year. He told Ronan that, at first, it had been hard, that he hardly talked to anyone, but eventually, after many months, he’d become close with his roommate, a guy named Shawn, who was “overwhelmingly friendly and cheerful”, as described by Adam’s words, and who was part of a swimming team, and occasionally taught at a club near their dorm. Although Adam doesn’t say it, Ronan knows that the reason it took Adam so much to start actually making friends was because he spent most of his time buried amongst books and notes and working material.  
There was also a girl named Mariana, whose father was a Mexican plastic surgeon who had married an American psychologist and had found a new life in the States, where their brilliant daughter was now thriving academically.  
  
Ronan noticed the pride in Adam’s voice as he spoke of his friends, and was surprised to find himself actually looking forward to meeting these people that Adam had grown to care so much about. He mentally thanked them for keeping Adam from drowning in his own sense of obligation, for taking care of him and making sure he eats and sleeps and has fun.  
  
Mostly, he lets Adam talk. He makes small sounds to let Adam know he’s paying attention and just lets him go on and on about the part of his life Ronan fought so hard to hear as little as possible about, troubled by the idea of Adam possibly feeling more at home somewhere away from Ronan.  
  
When Adam considered that he’d spoken enough, he gave Ronan a small, shy smile, and sat up.  
“I’m going to take a shower,” he announced, and turned to Ronan. “Wanna join me, or you’re okay with waiting?”  
Ronan didn’t have to think twice.  
  
Surprisingly, there was little playing around during the shower; they focused on washing each other clean, with the occasional few kisses here and there.  
Afterwards, when Adam had put on his pajamas, and Ronan lay in bed wearing only his underwear, Adam took the chance to brief Ronan about Opal, who was to spend the night at Matthew’s.

“She kicked and protested a bit when I was leaving,” he said, a laugh escaping him, “but Matthew gave her some puzzle to keep her busy and she seemed to have forgotten all about it. She was punching the pieces in place when I peeked through the window.”  
The mental image of Opal trying to put together a puzzle amused Ronan. Adam was studying him, like one would study a sculpture at a museum; Ronan didn’t think his face was all that interesting, with his sharp features, his thin lips and crooked nose as a result of one too many unnecessary incidents against another person’s fist.  
  
 Adam’s face, however, was something that Ronan could stare at once and again, and a million times, and he would always find something new, something different; another thing to love, on a face he already wished was the last thing he saw when he was to leave this world.

After spending that first night alone, the rest of the week flew by, as they were always occupied with something the house needed. They still found time to be together and alone, just enjoying each other’s company, and they even found the odd chance to have sex, just once, but for Ronan it was more than enough as it was: all that mattered to him was being with Adam, the particulars irrelevant.  
  
Saturday morning came too fast, too soon, and Adam woke up early to get his things together, leaving Ronan in bed for a little while longer, to come to terms once again with the idea of going for another couple months without seeing his boyfriend.  
 Adam bringing breakfast to bed (and Opal, clinging to his arm, risking him almost throwing the tray- to which Adam didn’t complain even once) somehow made up for all of it, at least in a small measure.

Opal made her complaints about being left behind very loud, grasping at Adam’s shirt, screaming for him to convince Ronan to let her go along, even pleading, saying that she’d try her best to be a good girl, and a series of other things that broke Ronan’s heart. Still, he had to be firm about it. It didn’t matter how much he and Adam loved her, they couldn’t risk other people accidentally seeing her, they wouldn’t be as understanding.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Opal,” Adam leaned forward, hands on his knees so he was at eye-level with the girl. “But, you know, someone has to be the boss around here. Who’s going to take care of home if you leave with us? Who’ll make sure Matthew behaves?”

  
Ronan saw Adam wink at Matthew when he stood straight again, and felt a surge of admiration for the way he was handling the situation.  
Opal didn’t look entirely on board, but she did comply when Matthew put a hand to her back and ushered her back inside.  
“Come on, kid,” he said, as cheerfully as always. “We’ll have fun!”

  
She seemed to be coming to terms with the situation now, since Ronan heard her jumping around inside the house, chanting “I’m the boss, I’m the boss” and clapping to herself.  
“She didn’t even say goodbye to me,” Ronan complained to Matthew.  
“Ronan,” Matthew groaned. “You wanted her happy. You can’t have it all.”  
Ronan felt Adam’s hand on his shoulder, and was about to contradict his brother, but decided against it at the last minute.

  
“We better get going,” Adam said, and stepped forward to say goodbye to Matthew, who hugged him the way he’d do with Ronan sometimes. This was his family, Ronan thought, and his heart filled with pride and joy.  
Matthew hugged Ronan, then, a few claps on the older brother’s back, and whispered in his ear, “It’ll be okay.”  
Letting go, he told him, so both he and Adam would hear: “Behave.”, a warning finger pointed at Ronan; to Adam, he said: “See you soon,” and with a wave, he looked as they got into the car and drove off.  
  
They drove for hours in silence, Chainsaw’s constant complaining the only sound that accompanied the BMW’s roar. She hated the cage almost as much as Ronan hated locking her in there, even if it was just for the trip.

  
They took turns to drive, to Adam’s insistence, even though Ronan wouldn’t have minded driving the whole way himself. Driving helped him calm his nerves, even at the civilized speed he was currently going. They passed trees, and farmhouses and animals Chainsaw would scream at, indignantly over their freedom and her own imprisonment. Regardless of who was driving, their hands were occasionally clasped between them, their hearts falling in sync with each other through the touch.  
  
Ronan felt all his reluctance wash over him again, mighty and aggressively, when the car came to a stop at Adam’s command, and Adam motioned to get out. Feeling Ronan’s hand tighten its grip, Adam turned back to look at him, leaned in and kissed his cheek, Ronan’s desperate hands becoming awake and flying to the front of Adam’s shirt, pulling him close and smashing their lips together. The kiss made Ronan ashamed of his need; it was more teeth clashing than he’d have liked, but in it, there was every thought Ronan hadn’t wanted to share with Adam since the first time he left for college: it was every night Ronan had waited for Adam to call, every tear Ronan had hidden from Adam and from everyone else. Ronan knew he didn’t need words for Adam to understand, he knew he didn’t even need to give him this so Adam would know what was going on in his mind; but he was selfish enough to want it for himself, and in that moment, all it mattered was that Adam was letting him take it, because he knew and, Ronan’s hopeful thought, because he _needed_ , too.  
  
When they parted, panting as if they’d just run a billion miles, Adam’s hands left the sides of Ronan’s head, and came to fix the mess Ronan’s hands had made on his clothes.  
Ronan took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, turning his face towards Adam, who was patiently waiting, although Ronan could see he was itching to get out and meet his friends, “I’m ready.”

Unloading the car was easy, since Adam hadn’t packed much from home, and Ronan was staying only for a night. The hardest part was dealing with Chainsaw, who kept biting Ronan, her anger over the imprisonment finally allowed to be unleashed. He let her free for a few minutes, and when she was done and felt she could be reasoned with, Ronan sat her on his shoulder, with the promise that she had to stay there, even though he didn’t know how valuable a bird’s “promise” was; he’d just have to trust Chainsaw.  
  
They were halfway between the car and the huge dorm building, when a cartoonish cloud the size of a poodle came rushing towards them screaming Adam’s name. When the figure reached them and attached itself to Adam, Ronan could see “it” was actually a girl. Barely five feet tall, if at all, she had long brown-ish hair, her skin a shade or so lighter; she gave the illusion of whimsicality, which was only accented by her chattering nonsense to an amused Adam who struggled to chime in, but whom she kept interrupting. Finally, she released Adam’s arm, and seemed to notice Ronan for the first time. Her excited scream made Ronan recoil slightly.  
“Ronan,” she breathed. “Wow, you’re- so tall.” She kept looking up at him, like she’d expected he would grow another foot taller before her very eyes.  
“Ronan, this is-“  
“Mariana,” Ronan gave her a small smile, still not fully comfortable, but trying to be supportive. “Adam spoke to me about you.” He extended his hand towards her. “Nice to meet you.”  
She didn’t take his hand, but threw her arms around his body as far up as she could reach, in a way that reminded Ronan comically of Opal. “I’m so glad you’re here! Welcome, welcome!”  
Adam stood facing Ronan, smiling at him behind the girl’s back, and Ronan threw him a look that, he hoped, conveyed the message “I’ll murder you in your sleep”, but the amusement he was feeling told him he’d fail at that.  
She slapped Adam’s arm. “Ohmygod! I can’t believe you actually brought him. This is so cool! Wait until Shawn gets here, he’ll love this.”  
“He loves everything,” Adam pointed.  
“That’s true,” she laughed. “Okay, I’ll leave you guys alone, I’ll go get ready. You go settle, I’ll knock at seven. Please be decent?”  
With that, she run off, without giving them time to reply.  
  
Ronan turned to Adam, raising an eyebrow. “What’d she mean by ‘decent’? Should I have brought my Aglionby uniform?”  
“If you had,” Adam said, somewhat bitterly, “They’d probably have burnt it.”  
Ronan didn’t have time to worry or get angry about that statement (although he had a pretty good idea of the reasons behind it), because Adam continued, “Nah, by her standards, what she meant was ‘not naked’, that’s all.” He felt Adam’s energy changing drastically, readjusting itself to the current environment. This was an Adam that was foreign to Ronan, and he had to make a huge effort to keep his concerns at bay.  
“Oh,” Ronan’s mind was already working towards unsafe paths- or at least he thought they were unsafe, given he doubted it would have been very practical to do what he was thinking, if they barely had an hour and a half before meeting up with the happy girl herself, again. He didn’t want to be an inconvenience to Adam, no matter how he hated thinking that wanting to be intimate with his boyfriend could have been an ill-timed inconvenience. _Chainsaw, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Henrietta, anymore._

Ronan sighed.“Well, let’s go. We don’t want to keep your friends waiting. Let’s not be late. Lead the way.”

  
Taking the backpack from Ronan, Adam took his boyfriend’s hand and walked them amongst a cluster of people, greeting the occasional acquaintance, and turning back to whisper a name to Ronan, who took it all in silently, never taking his eyes off Adam, observing the slight changes in demeanor only Ronan, would notice, taking over him as they entered the deep forest into the unknown to one, and familiar to the other.  


They went up and down about a dozen corridors, and Ronan wondered how they’d manage to find their way back, but Adam’s sure steps showed he knew exactly where he was taking them.  
After what felt like hours, they came to a stop in front of a wooden door that looked exactly like the thousands they had walked past, and Adam rummaged around in his pocket until he came out with the key to unlock it.   
What they found inside was pretty much what Ronan had expected: a room with two twin beds, a night-stand in between, a desk opposite, with two chairs and a stool tucked underneath.  Ronan wasn’t surprised to see Adam throw his load on the bed nearest one of the walls, and carefully sat at the other bed’s foot, Chainsaw leaving his shoulder after his warning not to wander off too far.

“So,” Adam looked at him nervously, while standing next to his bed, but probably too anxious to sit just yet. “What do you think?”  
Ronan looked up to a poster on the wall behind the bed he was sitting on, a blond man, mid-jump, who was, according to the inscription at the bottom of the poster, José Meolans, Olympic swimmer.  
“It’s cool,” he said, trying to sound sincere, which, in a way, he was, even though he wasn’t utterly enthusiastic about the situation.  
Adam smiled, and nodded his head towards the poster. “One of Shawn’s referents.”  
“Oh.” Ronan remembered Adam had mentioned his roommate was into swimming. It made sense now. “Okay.”  
Adam made a face. “You hate this,” he shook his head and turned away, “you hate it. Just say so. I knew it, I knew it was a mistake.”  
“I don’t hate it,” Ronan made an effort, but he knew he couldn’t really fool Adam; Chainsaw’s behavior had been a mirror of his own feelings. “It’s just hard to take it all in, I’ve been here for about twenty minutes and I’ve been jumped by a squirrel-sized girl with the energy of a toy poodle, I’ve been looked at weirdly by all kinds of people while you dragged me in here.” He paused to regain his breath. “And my bird might have clawed away about a pound of flesh off my shoulder.”  
“Squirrel-sized… what?” Adam walked closer to Ronan, who’d stood up and had been pacing the floor while ranting away. Ronan couldn’t believe that, from all his words, Adam had chosen that to hold on to. He said as much.  
“I’m sorry, Ronan,” Adam said. “I promise we will work around this. It wasn’t the best start, but I promise you,” now he circled his arms around Ronan’s neck, body pressed tightly against Ronan, “I’ll make it up to you.”  
Ronan captured Adam’s lips with his own, and they kissed until they became breathless. Ronan always found himself amazed by how each kiss seemed as thrilling as the first time, his lips tingling with the memory of Adam’s touch for a long instant afterwards. When they parted, their lips were swollen and red, and their pupils impossibly blown.  
“Fuck, Parrish,” Ronan moaned, “I promised-“  
“What?”  
“I promised I wouldn’t do this.”  
Adam gave him a curious look. “Do what?”  
“It doesn’t matter,” Ronan’s voice was firm, but hoarse. “Please, take off your clothes. Please.”  
Adam smirked. “Why don’t you do that yourself?”

  
They helped each other out of their clothes, and fell on the bed, both well aware that their time was limited, and wanting to make the most of it. Ronan cursed at some point, given their twisting and turning had dropped them off to the floor, Adam falling on top, and Ronan hitting the back of his head against the night-stand. Adam laughed softly, not taking his lips from where they’d been sucking and biting the soft, sensitive skin on Ronan’s neck, while Ronan stroked their dicks together.  
Ronan punished Adam’s laugh by hitting his ass-cheek playfully, without interrupting the thrusts of his hips into his fist, the friction of their skins driving him mad. Adam sucked on his skin even harder.  
“OHMYGOD!” The shocked scream made them pull apart, and they turned their horrified faces towards the doorframe, where Mariana was standing, the door shut behind her (thank God), a hand over her eyes. “I told you two idiots you had to be decent!”  
“You didn’t have to come inside,” Adam’s loud, almost screaming voice startled Ronan, who had never heard him so upset. “Why didn’t you knock!?”  
“The door was ajar, you moron!”  
“Oh, god,” Ronan buried his face between his knees.  
“You’re so lucky everyone else is outside.” Ronan heard Mariana said. “Anyone could have heard all the noise you were making. You should thank multiple deities it was just me.” A pause. “In fact, you should start building shrines all around the world, to all those deities.” Another pause. “Now get ready, and do it fast. Shawn is already here and he might come up any minute.”

Ronan didn’t dare looking back up until he heard the door click shut. When he did, Adam was standing near the door that must be the bathroom, and looked down at Ronan no less mortified that he’d looked minutes ago. “I’m so sorry, Ronan,” he mumbled. Ronan had lost count of the times Adam had felt he needed to apologize for something that had been out of his control. He hated that Adam had that automatic reaction to pretty much anything that didn’t go according to plan. Every time he heard him say those words, Ronan evoked the image of his fists going against the worthless mass of Adam’s good-for-nothing father, and that was about the only thing that calmed him down.

  
“We have to clean ourselves up,” Ronan said after a while, knowing that telling Adam he had nothing to apologize for wasn’t going to do any good.  
Adam signaled the door behind his back. “We’ll go faster if we do it together.”  
“No funny business,” Ronan said, as firmly as he could.  
Adam agreed.  


Ten minutes and one cold shower later, they were ready to go. This time, they walked the corridors back outside side by side, the tension in Adam’s shoulders the most conspicuous sign that the shower hadn’t been able to wash away the embarrassment of getting caught.  
Ronan cursed inwardly, aware that, hadn’t it been for his own unruly desire, Adam wouldn’t look nor feel this way at all. Ronan felt like a teenager, driven by his stupid hormones or something like that. It enraged him so much, he had to press his fist tight, nails biting into his palm almost painfully.

“Where is the party, anyway?” He tried to get Adam’s mind away from his troubles.  
“Outside,” Adam attempted a weak smile at that. “Some of the guys rented the space for tonight, so they got permission.”  
When they got outside, there was indeed a party going on, although it wasn’t still in full on party mode. There was a guy next to a common stereo attached to huge speakers where the music came from. A few more speakers were scattered around a portion of the area; Ronan thought the guy, a sun-bleached blond (with muscles that could match Ronan’s, visible through a red tank) was the improvised DJ.  
Adam turned to make a confusing signal at Ronan and started walking towards the guy, making his way amongst the sea of people, and Ronan followed. The guy looked their way when they were about four feet away from him, and waved, smiling.  
  
“Adam,” he said cheerfully, and wrapped him into a hug. Everyone seemed the hugging type there, Ronan thought uncomfortably. “And Ronan.” The guy smiled broadly, his face suddenly becoming as bright as his hair, even in the dimly-lit night. “Hi, I’m Shawn. Adam’s roommate. I’m so, so pleased to meet you, man.” Ronan did get to shake Shawn’s hand, which he extended, still smiling. His grip was firm, but the shake itself had a sort of nervous hint. Ronan was used to making people uncomfortable, so he didn’t give it much thought.  
  
“So,” Shawn clasped Adam’s arm, “I’ve already arranged to spend the night at Mark’s.”  
He winked at them, and Ronan felt the uncomfortable sensation again. “Make yourself at home, buddy.” He turned to Ronan again. Adam explained briefly that their floor was unsupervised that weekend, because it was amongst the few that didn’t have many students back at the dorms.  
Shawn turned completely away from them, to a table near the farthest speaker that Ronan hadn’t noticed. He came back with two cups and offered them to him and Adam. Adam took his, smiling through his thanks, but Ronan looked suspiciously at the red liquid.  
“What’s that?”  
“This, “said Shawn, “is the house’s specialty: Strawberry-lemon juice. Try it, or you’ll hurt Mari’s feelings; even if you hate it and end up spitting it to her own feet. She’ll only find it unforgivable if you refuse it.”  
He extended the cup at Ronan again, and this time, he took it.  
He had to admit the juice tasted weird at first, but it wasn’t bad. He ended up downing the whole content, and Adam took the cup from him for a refill.  
  
“So, Mariana makes the juice for the whole party?” Ronan tried to picture such a small figure with enough strength to feed a couple hundred people. But then again, she had actually proven herself quite energetic.  
Shawn shook his head. “She made about six liters, just for the four of us.” He waved an arm towards the crowd. “The rest of the people bring their own drinks. Booze, generally,” he wrinkled his nose.  
Shawn went to explain that the three of them didn’t drink, adding that Mariana didn’t because she had some stomach issues going on.  
“Speaking of,” Adam said, reaching to put the cup back on the table. “Where is she? “  
“Probably dealing with Nathan,” Shawn’s face lost some of its brightness. Adam stiffened at Ronan’s side, then leaned against his ear to whisper the explanation. Nathan was Mariana’s ex, who hadn’t taken it kindly when she broke up with her after she caught him cheating with one of his football teammates. Nathan wasn’t exactly a stalker, they said, but since his schedule shared some of Mariana’s subjects, it wasn’t like he stayed away too much, either. “I doubt he’ll follow her back here, though, he wouldn’t want to make a scene in front of everyone. She’s a big girl, she can handle it.”  
“But if she can’t?” Ronan couldn’t help but ask. The way Shawn was downplaying it didn’t match the tension coming off Adam’s body at the mention of this Nathan guy. Ronan didn’t like it.  
“If she can’t, we’ll fall on him, dude,” Shawn reassured him. “Don’t worry, we take care of our own.”  
No sooner than he was done speaking, the tiny figure Ronan already associated with Mariana appeared on her way towards them. She was obviously trying hard to keep herself from looking away from Ronan or Adam, and the incident from earlier came back to Ronan, who wondered if she had told Shawn about it, or if she would (since, judging by how the conversation had gone with him, he seemed not to know about earlier).

“Hello, dear Shawn,” she said, her cheerful tone from before replaced by a serious one. Still, she hugged him affectionately when she approached.  
Not letting go of Shawn’s waist, she looked at Adam and Ronan. “Hi again, guys.”  
Then, she went on to explain that her delay had been due to an unexpected call from her parents, and it wasn’t like she could cut them off, thank you very much.  


Shortly after her arrival, the group started to get bigger, as if she was a magnetic force for the socially starved.  
It wasn’t like Ronan expected Adam to stay glued by his side the whole night and devote all his attention to him, but Ronan couldn’t help the irritation he felt with each passing hour that Adam’s attention was drawn by one person or another, a parade of names flowing off his mouth, trying to make Ronan an active (albeit unwilling) participant.  
Ronan was about to announce to Adam that he was going to bed (even though he had no idea of how- or if- he’d even find the way back to the right room), when he was interrupted by Mariana, who complained with a pout:”I want to dance.”  
Adam’s face changed then, as if he’d thought of something he had forgotten. Ronan felt the tiny hopeful spark that had grown in him disappear, when Adam walked past him towards Shawn to speak into his ear.  
Adam then turned back to the group and said, “It’s done,” pulling Ronan’s arm towards the mass of people dancing near the improvised dancefloor, as an oddly familiar song started to play.  
“Is this-?”  
“Yup.”  
“How’d you…?”  
“I had Shawn download the music of the tape you gave me a while ago,” Adam explained, as they danced, hands clasped, not minding that their moves didn’t match the music at all, and probably they were drawing more looks than it would have been comfortable, had they been willing to care. “I like being prepared.”  
When Adam smiled at him, Ronan pulled his arm and drew him towards him, so their bodies were touching. “Come here, boy scout.”  
Adam didn’t stop smiling, even when Ronan pressed their lips together and the world around them stopped being of any relevance anymore.

  
Not much later, they fell into bed at Adam’s room, after saying goodnight to Adam’s friends, to whom Ronan decided, earning a look of admiration from Adam’s, to apologize for not being in the best of partying moods that night. Ronan was lucky enough that Adam’s friends seemed extremely nice as to shrug it all off, and making him feel that they genuinely were looking forward to seeing him again.  
“Ronan?” Adam whispered, sleepily, from the little bed against the wall.  
“Yeah.”  
“Thanks for doing this for me.”  
  
Ronan wasn’t one to continually fool himself, he knew that this would continue to be hard on both of them: the distance, the times apart, the irreconcilability of some aspects of the life Adam is trying to lead here with the one he had at home, with Ronan. But he also knew that, at the end of the day, at the end of the term, at the end of the year, or whenever, Adam had only Ronan on his mind and his heart: he knew that, while he couldn’t ask Adam to always put him first, Adam would always manage to still have Ronan up on the podium, and frankly, it was more than Ronan ever thought he could have asked.  
Now, having been faced with the full reality of the situation, Ronan is more convinced than ever that they can, and they will, make it work. And that’s all he cared about. The rest would fall into place.  
“Anytime, Parrish,” he said, but he couldn’t be sure if Adam heard him.  
  
The next day, after they had breakfast in a nice cafeteria near the dorm and Ronan was readying the car (Chainsaw once again tucked into her cage, once again unhappy about it), Shawn and Mariana came to see Ronan off. Mariana was carrying a thermos that she offered Ronan, with a smile.  
“Some of my magic juice for the road,” she smiled at him, and Ronan can’t help but finding it endearing, even though now she’s replaced her explosive cheerfulness by a more serious attitude (which, according to Adam, is much closer to what she usually is like).  
Then, her warmth from the day before resurfacing, she hugged Ronan briefly.

  
“Well, man,” Shawn sounded deflated.  “I don’t have any gifts for you to taker home.”  
“Don’t worry, I think the thermos she gave him is yours,” Adam chimed in.  
Shawn patted him on the back and they all laugh. Mariana doesn’t deny Adam’s statement.  
An awkward silence settled momentarily, and it’s Shawn who takes the hint first. He ushered Mariana away, an arm around her waist, after they said goodbye to Ronan once again.

  
“Call me as soon as you’re home,” Adam says, his arms going around Ronan’s waist, chin on Ronan’s shoulder. “Say hi to Opal for me.”  
“Will do.”  
“You’ll be okay,” Adam reassures him, as always, picking up on what Ronan needs from him. Ronan feels that, if he loved him a little more, his heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. “We’ll be okay.”  
“Parrish, this isn’t goodbye.”  
“I know, babe.”Adam finally pulls away from Ronan, and the only thing keeping him from whining about it is their clasped hands, which they keep even after Ronan managed to get into the BMW.

  
Ronan kisses Adam’s hand before letting go, closing the door and rolling down the window.  
Adam leans in and takes Ronan’s face in his hands to kiss him one last time.  
“Call me when you get home,” Adam says again, and Ronan knows he means ‘I love you’, because Ronan himself has said it in similar ways a thousand times before.  
“I will,” Ronan says before pulling away. _Love you too._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest piece I've ever written. It's also the first one I used several betas for,aside from my always wonderful Sasha, thanks to Krapi (4evacahill on tumblr) and Mackenzie (flowerchildrey) for your corrections/suggestions, etc.  
> As always, please do leave a comment telling me what you thought. I love hearing what you guys have to say about my writing. Seriously, even if you hated/mildly disliked it, just tell me.  
> Thanks for reading! <3


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